Weeknotes 09×02: A form of magic

  • The week starts with a pond as dark and syrupy as treacle, and a few minutes later, what looks like the stilled body of a dog being carried out from the vets. These things frame my mood against the late morning light, but don’t drag me down.

  • Monday morning is already a blur – I have a full menu of things to do and things it would be good to do. I’m going to have to write this menu down so that I can choose clearly, once I find my notebook. The rest of the day throws up clouds of work dust, and we end up wading through a shifting list of reactions. Bugs and hot fixes, tidies and plotting, risk and mitigation and schedules redone. Just another manic Monday, as they say.

  • New shoes, new season. These DCs are the comfiest shoes I’ve had in a long time.

A photo of my shoes and an Autumn leaf

  • A flurried brain on Wednesday, darting between all layers – the intricacies of code rubbing up against product strategy. Feeling like I’m caught between planning, doing, and observing – on different bits of work in different places. A bit of me wishes I could be in just one of these heads, but another bit of me knows this variety is what keeps it interesting, that sometimes my own tangled web of conscious attention just happens to interact with tiredness and biorhythms.

  • We are introduced to Leslie who has started at our partner organisation recently. It’s a couple of hours covering introductions, histories, immediate thoughts, future plans, and sandwiches. I whittle on about products and markets and hope I make sense, and its a good chat, if intense. I’ve oddly come to appreciate that moment of meeting someone for the first time – that “friendly assessment” of how they fit in, and what the team dynamics are going to be as they become a part of it.

  • It strikes me that what I do could be considered a form of magic. “Any sufficiently advanced technology” etc, but also anything unexplainable without a whole system of understanding in place. I run on instinct, but instinct gained from the experience of trying, and the careful inference gained from observing. Failure and senses – these are the most powerful tools available to you. Experiment and be still in alternate measures. Without understanding the importance of these, you will be in the dark.

  • Wednesday washing-up. I wake up to a realisation that focuses my very soul: that my value is not as head of “the technology” but as a team coordinator. All the puzzle pieces fit into this box – a tech team strategy instead of a tech strategy, the need for coordinated plans, the dot-joiner hat, a love of 1-1s, the old notion of organisational chi (warning: ancient site alert) – everything has been lurking behind this hidden umbrella. The realisation re-grounds me too: it is a skill which can be formalised and wielded like a sound system, shipped in like special forces. It explains why just defining roles and responsibilities isn’t enough. It brings together templates and beer, phone calls and optimism. It keeps me awake at night. It’s a form of magic that I always thought was something else, but it is real.

A photo of trees on a van merging wth real trees

  • This piece by Gavin Elliott on Functioning environments and company culture also came along at just the right time and blew me away. I can’t remember which weeknoter linked to it now 🙁 but I shall be forever thankful. It summarises and explains a lot, so much.

  • Friday random reading was
    What Emails Reveal About Your Performance At Work, looking at email metadata and leadership styles and performance. TBH, the language used makes me want to fork my own eyes out a little, and I do cringe at the use of personal emails as ‘science’, even if it’s “just” metadata. but it’s an interesting look to backup communication styles and how it links to leadership/influence. The main take away is that simple words help people understand you, which too many people forget.

  • Some unexpected time away from the regularity of watches and calendars to catch up with John. Helped me see throb the bureaucracy layer again, to remember that standardised operating procedures – in which I include both handbooks and habits – emerge from an average of a group at one time. All warnings have a story to them, and a company’s rules are often there for a reason. But other reasons can always be introduced which require a renegotiation. I am navigating a way between the past and the now. Neither of them are incorrect or invalid.

  • Otherwise I am feeling unfocused, and am aware I’m only making a vague effort to catch up. Friday afternoon I head off a little early to prepare for a long weekend away. What is it I’ve done this week? Have I achieved anything? Was it what I intended? Everything is a soup of code and conversation, context switching at every corner. Was that predictable, looking back at the calendar? Yes – blocky patches all over the place, with invisible extras hiding off-screen. Next week doesn’t look much better either, but it’s only 3 days long.

  • What do I achieve when everything is so fragmented like that? If I were to keep my own meeting data again, like before, then I’d have a vague, aggregated idea of how my energy was split between making things happen vs helping things happen. Responsibility vs support vs pure information gathering. But the fragmented approach also leaves no time for anything to sink in. I feel inefficient in my understanding, lacking in what I’ve observed, what I’ve learnt. Unfinished.

  • Peace.

A photo of the seafront at Eastbourne

Also published on Medium.