No running day-notes this week. It’s easy to slip out of habits once you’ve got used to them – evidence, perhaps, that they were novelty routines rather than subconscious habits.
Either that, or I’ve been busy. Too busy, maybe.
I feel tired, but I can’t quite work out if that’s from what I’ve been doing the past week, the last month, or for the last decade.
This week I’ve been flitting about a lot. I’m jumping between emails and comms for different charities, for setting up my own future, for catching up with old friends, and for just seeing what’s out there. I’ve attended and caught up on various videos and events (list below) and hastily written up thoughts about downtime as a productive thing. The writing course has come to an end but I’m a few days behind. Sometimes it’s too easy to multitask.
At the same time, I’m aware of this tug in the middle.of my mind, the plughole around which a lot of my thoughts and actions are circling. Somebody mentioned a person taking 2 or 3 days to rest after finishing up a job, to reset and get a new rhythm. I’m not really letting myself rest, I think, and even if I did, it actually feels like it will take weeks, not days, for me. After 1 week travelling and 2 weeks off, I’m only now dimly aware of things being processed properly, like I’m falling down through layers and layers of expectations and routines.
My wife reminds me that I had plans to rest, and I guess that, now I’m actually living the time, I’ve put those plans to one side, or pushed them there by a fear and a lust to Get On and be productive, creative, GTD, etc. The sense that I have a stand-up meeting at 10 o’clock is only just residing (hey, I got through 200 fortnightly sprints, so maybe another 2 weeks to adjust to that change is only natural).
On the other hand, what I’ve done has been fun, and exciting. I’ve been developing short stories, playing with smart plugs and energy monitoring at home, watching indie game videos, and finishing and starting Zelda games. The potatoes are growing wildly, my childhood toy car collection is up on eBay, and it’s the solstice.
This week, I’ll aim to return to the plan. Writing up thoughts on downtime reminded me of someone saying that "everyone needs a duvet day every now and then". I think that’s true, especially among all the parenting and tidying up Pokémon cards and washing up as well. Duvet days are a form of decompression, and it’s weird being at a point where I can choose to do that.
When I’m writing a short story, I hit a wall when it comes to being outwardly emotional that I’ve realised I need to be brave and push through. The same is true of being restful.
Things I’ve been watching this week:
Went along to an event put on by Brighton Library and [Writing Our Legacy]( as part of Brighton and Hove’s Refugee Week events called “Refugees are welcome here”. Featured Alinah Azadeh, Hong Dam and Naomi Foyle. Here’s a video of Hong Dam reading her poem about being a refugee travelling from Vietnam to Hong Kong, ‘Sympathy for the Dandelion’.